He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
