You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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