i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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