I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
These tits shall not be calmed
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
