so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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