she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
