Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
