Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
