I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
