what day is it and did you see me today?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
