i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
