I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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