I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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