Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
