ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
