Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
found the other keg... it's in the tree
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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