I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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