the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
