dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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