my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
