Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
