Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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