final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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