I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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