Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
