your room smells of hookers.
And success
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
