Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
