Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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