stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
