Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
