the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
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