im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
