TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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