My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Randomize
