barbara walters just said penis...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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