I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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