What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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