Is it because I queefed?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We had to coat check the pizza.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
