I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
