If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
