I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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