i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
