Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
