hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
