He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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