hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
