what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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