I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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