Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Randomize
