I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
