So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
