then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
